Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Leftists: Not My Superbowl Champs!

Subject: Why Leftists Think the Atlanta Falcons Actually Won the Super Bowl, by Charles Salter.
1. In collusion with Trump, the Russians hacked into the scoreboard and fraudulently posted points for the Patriots.
2. The "Patriots" do not deserve to win because their name is offensive to illegal immigrants and anti-American leftists.
3. The Patriots are obviously just a basket of racist, sexist, xenophobic deplorables who should check their privilege and surrender their trophy to the Falcons.
4. The Patriots have already won the Super Bowl previously. It's only fair that they redistribute their largesse to a team which has never won.
5. Any team which wins in "sudden death" overtime is violent and fascist and has no right to the Super Bowl trophy.
6. The Falcons were ahead for more minutes of the game and this statistic should count more than the final score.
7. All the referees who ruled for the Patriots against the Falcons should revoke those decisions and support the Falcons instead.
8. The fraudulent Patriot win has left millions of sports fans heart-broken and weeping. They need safe spaces, therapy dogs, and binkies until this unjust decision can be overturned.
9. Until the Falcons are rightfully proclaimed the real winners of the Super Bowl, globalist billionaires will continue to plan, organize, and fund "spontaneous, grass-roots" demonstrations, riots, and felonious assaults on any supporter of the Patriots that they can get their hands on.

No comments:

Post a Comment